Glee has done four competition episodes: Sectionals, Journey, Special Education, and now Original Song. This is easily the worst of them. Unsurprisingly, it’s the only one of the bunch not written by Brad Falchuk.
0:00–This episode was written by Ryan Murphy.
0:52–I think they have slowly but surely been trying to make Dalton Academy less of a stool choir and more of an active body. See this routine for proof.
1:58–I found out recently that Darren Criss auditioned for Finn. I do like Cory Monteith in the role. I think he makes sense in that role as an actor and as a physical specimen. But this performance of “Misery,” which is not even his best work, makes me salivate over the possibilities of Criss/Michele duets that will never happen. (“Don’t You Want Me” was awesome. And that’s probably the only one they’ll get.) By the way, this was not even on my radar of Maroon 5 I expected them to do, but I enjoyed “Misery” a lot.
2:38–Actually, it’s Darren Criss and the Tufts University Beelzebubs, as I am so fond of pointing out. God, I just want to smack Kurt in the face. I still think Chris Colfer is awesome (great voice, consistently good tweets, etc.), but Kurt just finds a new way to be obnoxious every episode. It’s a Ryan Murphy thing.
3:01–Lea Michele is so good at low-key comedy.
3:20–”Wherefore” doesn’t mean “where,” it means “why”…
4:15–She does cry every time she sings a solo. I don’t know who tells her to do that.
4:36–Finn’s damaged, but I know who played a major role in damaging him. Lookin’ at you there, Quinn.
6:17–I guess we should have known when they named the canary after a recently deceased tenor that his days were numbered. Poor guy.
6:45–My opinion of Kurt is so low right now and Ryan Murphy was so bad at writing that I was pretty sure that Kurt killed Pavarotti so he could sing in front of people. I mean, it’s close. They killed Pavarotti off so they could see “Blackbird” on iTunes, but whatever. This should have stopped upsetting me a while ago, but this is one of my Glee pet peeves that I can’t let go of.
8:40–Chris Colfer is 2-2 on really simple, really pretty interpretations of Beatles songs. I’m still not pleased that this was so obviously put in there for iTunes (like, really, canaries are yellow and just because the song is sad and has “bird” in the title doesn’t mean it’s a good idea), but it was nice, if totally unnecessary.
10:16–The choice is My Chemical Romance or an original song written by the songwriter behind “My Headband” and “Only Child”? Maybe it is a miracle they won their regional.
10:56–If you’re only going to spend thirty seconds of your forty-five minutes of television about something, why bother mentioning it? Santittany is fascinating, and they brought us the most emotionally touching moment of the second season, but this was just sort of lame.
12:49–It was about here that I tweeted, “Watching Kurt lose at Regionals is going to be so very very sweet.” Everyone loves a nice dose of false humility that begets the adulation of the group.
13:23–I think my second favorite moment of the episode was seeing Mike Chang lean over and tell Sam that the song is called “Trouty Mouth.”
14:40–I think “Trouty Mouth” is the perfect illustration of Ryan Murphy’s style. Say you’re out a bar with your man-friends, and everyone is laughing and having a good time. Someone makes a joke, and as a group you play off that joke to its natural conclusion, but there is always one dude who keeps trying to make that joke last until you finally have to say, “Srsly, bro, the joke is dead. You killed it.” Ryan Murphy doesn’t just kill jokes, he stabs them and then blows their heads off with a 12 gauge shotgun.
15:00–”It’s called Big Ass!…Heart.”
15:46–Mike Chang makes big-ass hearts with his hands.
16:15–I’m calling it. “Big-ass Heart” was the best song of this episode. Definitely the funniest part of the episode. Best cross-rhyming I’ve heard in years.
16:27–If you’ll indulge me for just a moment. I watch Glee in a classroom every week because my roommate, Mike Tyson, is terrified that if he watches Glee it’ll make him as gay as it makes me. Also, NCIS is on at the same time and it’s his favorite show, so I let him watch that on his television. Anyway, the classrooms have big screens, so I’m watching this episode of Glee on a big screen and then there’s a close-up of Dianna Agron’s face, and I kid you not, I literally stopped breathing.
17:10–”Whoa, scary Quinn.”
17:20–She’s terrifying. It’s awesome.
17:50–”Candles” is definitely Top 40. Not like I’m an expert in Top 40, but I had never heard of the song or the band that does it.
18:28–Not gonna lie, I lost the room I was watching this in, and I was searching for a new one. I missed this scene. Thank God I did. No one needs to watch me yell at the screen.
18:36–Kurt moves me to wanting to commit acts of great violence.
18:59–So yes, I missed the kiss. I’m curious to hear what my gay religion professor would have to say about this; the man is a master of gender studies, especially as it relates to pop culture. He said that Blaine singing “Teenage Dream” to Kurt was a first in television, a gay guy singing right to a gay guy. A gay guy kissing a gay guy for fifteen seconds? That’s news. And if nothing else, having that exposure on television is something I can get behind.
19:25–I forgot Mercedes was on this show.
21:11–”Hell to the No” could totally be a radio hit if they made the lyrics more generic. Even with the songs they did at Regionals in mind, this is the only original song I would think has that potential.
21:20–I need a ”Hell No” page in my notebook to flash to professors.
22:58–Suck it, Rachel.
23:21–Quinn’s always been mean to you, Rachel. You are the only threat she has to the life she wants. You don’t play nice with her when it comes to getting Finn. From Showmance: “You can kiss me if you want to,” knowing that Finn is dating someone else.
23:51–What an incredible backhanded compliment. Finn and Quinn belong in a bourgeois life together in Lima, and Rachel doesn’t belong there. And the way I read that, especially considering the earlier line “Damn her and her talent,” is that Rachel does not belong in the Rust Belt with Finn and Quinn.
24:12–Scary Quinn!
25:35–Rod Remington is one of my favorite characters on Glee. Local broadcasting legend and man about town…what a pro. I remember a self-descriptive line of his from Mash-Up. “You can’t tame the tiger.”
Rod Remington: had Tiger Blood before it went mainstream.
25:45–Kathy Griffin as a Sarah Palin/Christine O’Donnell impersonator…I mean, it’s not funny. It’s March, the Tea Party hasn’t been a relevant force in pop culture since November. I don’t care when he wrote it, it’s just dated now. A wise man once said that life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
26:44–You know, for all the crazy things that Sue’s Cheerios have done, that was a routine too simple even for Dakota Stanley. I really don’t get why Sue had to take over Aural Intensity. In the end, what did that really mean? It just let them keep Sue around for a few extra episodes, and she didn’t even say anything interesting. Just a stupid plot twist.
27:15–Kurt’s been bitching for two season that he never gets any solos. And when he does get a solo, he freaks. Gaaaah.
27:19–I’m judging you, Kurt.
27:36–So Kurt’s parents had the honeymoon money saved up that turned into Kurt’s tuition. Unless they get some kind of windfall, Kurt’s going to be back at McKinley next fall. I don’t see it being sustainable to have a dual focus on two schools for any longer than they’ve kept it up. So the question is, when Kurt comes to McKinley, will Blaine also come to McKinley? Or will they let Darren Criss go the way they let Jonathan Groff go? Somehow I don’t see it. I think Blaine comes back to McKinley with Kurt. Maybe this is wishful thinking.
28:46–That was a soulful glance that Quinn’s iron fist crushed.
29:31–”Candles” was an okay cover, nothing to write home about.
29:46–And Kurt gets his moment in the sun. Just before losing! Call it karma.
31:28–I’m not a Pink fan. And the fact that even Darren Criss couldn’t change that for me says a lot.
32:11–So I guess that entering from the back is a Brad Falchuk thing. They came in a fairly normal way this time.
32:40–And it’s not just the karaoke microphones that sparkle…it’s all of them! Oh Glee.
33:50–”Oh my God, they’re doing original songs.”
36:00–That song was actually better than I gave it credit for. Most of that probably has to do with Lea Michele getting to do her thing for the first time in what feels like a really long time. Though it’s significantly louder and more theatrical than “Whispering,” from Spring Awakening, it reminded me of it.
36:09–”Being part of something special makes you special.”
36:15–She said “die-rections,” not “duh-rections.” First time they’ve ever been the “New Directions” and not the “Nude Erections.” Sadface.
37:23–Look, they’re doing that loser sign that is so indicative of the show! *facepalm*
38:33–The dancing, somehow, was not Finn-proof.
38:46–Oh, look, they’re throwing fake slushies! No one gets it but those of us in the know! Why are we being so cute? Remember when they did “My Life Would Suck Without You” for Will and they did little bits and pieces of some dances they had done in the past twelve episodes? Yeah, that was cute. This was just so contrived, even by Glee’s standards. And that says a lot.
39:06–Like really, who thought any of this was funny when they wrote it?
39:20–”The convent is the one place I knew I could stay off the pole.”
39:55–We get it. People don’t like gay people and they don’t like the lifestyle. And it’s wrong. Build on your argument, chief. Read some Michael Warner, a homosexual queer theorist who suggests that gay marriage is counterproductive to gay rights. Educate yourselves.
40:31–I’ve never been to Ohio, and I had no idea if the lieutenant governor was actually this Stevens character they mentioned. It’s not. It’s Mary Taylor. I looked that up just now. Mercifully for Glee’s legal fees, there’s no Carla Turlington Stevens.
41:05–The Nude Erections are going to Nationals in New York. And I knew they would. We all knew they would. And maybe that’s why I didn’t care the way I did when they lost at Regionals last season? I dunno.
41:36–And, right, Sue has to do something ridiculous. I’m starting a petition to bring back Brad Falchuk for competition episodes, how about it?
42:23–Fail, Kurt, fail!
42:27–Yeah, Blaine is way out of his league. Blaine’s way out of everyone’s league.
42:35–Not for Kurt it doesn’t. Kurt is like Rachel. It’d be nice if they could have a sexual relationship, but it’s so much more important for both of them to be stars than it is to be loved.
42:54–And when she’s not, you know, teaching at a different school.
43:18–The Regionals MVP is Rachel Berry…who soloed for both songs. That was easy.
44:21–All in all, just a bad episode. “Misery” and “Big-ass Heart” were spot-on. And everything else…just wasn’t. Here’s hoping that the glee club meets Vocal Adrenaline at Nationals somehow. Buddha, Allah, Satan, help me.
“Oscar, Oscar, we shall defend ourselves.”
